ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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