I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
