I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
