Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
