We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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