So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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