Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize