I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize