You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
