I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
