You work out of a Hotel?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
