was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
