god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
