I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
