i may or may not be watching the land before time
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
