Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
