I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
