chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
