speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
