It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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