I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
