Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
