Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
