Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
