Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
