It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize