The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Say something about gay babies.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
we're so committed to being not committed
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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