The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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