trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize