Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
