I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
