I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize