I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
