I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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