one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize