I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So many bounce houses so little time
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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