I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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