We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
