Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
