I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
