I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
