I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
