We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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