remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
