i just sent this text using only my big toe
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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