I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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