I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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