you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
