im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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