walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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