Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
