New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
