i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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