i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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