I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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