i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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