I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
