oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize