I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is Oprah even human
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
