I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
