I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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