no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
