just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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