i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
