Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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