worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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