Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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