Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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