I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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