Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
