I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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