tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
