Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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