weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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