We're facebook friends in real life
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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