At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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