how can u be prego again
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
