i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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