I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think my moral compass just broke
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
