is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
