went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the day after is always just damage control
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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