im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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