he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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