You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
