I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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