Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
