Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
