just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
