Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
