I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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