Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
