I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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