So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
